Sumit's Inkwell

Have you tried navigating through the personal development universe these days? Especially as a man?

You’re met with one of two extremes. Either a woman in a flowy dress telling you about crystals and manifesting, or the opposite, a dude a tight black shirt yelling at you for not working out and not sleeping with enough women.

Self Help has changed quite a bit since the days of Tai Lopez YouTube ads, there is so much information it can drive a man mad. There are endless number of podcasts, everybody is trying to sell you their course, videos, PDF downloads, and Billionaires in jets trying to get you to invest in their real estate (talking to you Cardone). While there is great information out there, if you don’t tailor it to your needs you will find yourself trying to be and do something you are not and cannot.

You can always reach out to one of these people and ask them very kindly to mentor you. This way you have someone to filter out the info you don’t need, and hold you accountable. But let’s face it, Patrick Bet-David isn’t going to reply to your IG message, not for free anyway. Persians don’t give away things for free.

I don’t know where you are in your self-help journey, but in the beginnings we tend to consume as much content as we possibly can through various avenues. It excites us, we imagine a life that could be, and all these books and videos are reinforcing the idea of “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE”. Then, days turn into weeks, then months, then eventually years, and nothing has happened, no action has been taken, yet you continue consuming self-help material.

How it started.

I am currently in my mid-30s, when I was in my 20s, I decided one day that I needed to be rich. I was living on my own at that time, and struggling to get by. I needed to do something, get into something, but what? I had no idea where to begin. I had no idea what I was good at, no clue about investing, goal setting, growth, mastery, creativity, NOTHING. So, I consulted Google, and literally searched “How to become rich”, and found some top 5 site recommending a list of books that will make you successful.

At that point in my life I was hoping for a miracle, a get rich quick scheme where I can start making millions and buy myself a Lamborghini in the next 48 hours, and run YouTube ads wearing thick rimmed glasses, pontificating to people about book knowledge. Maybe that’s why the book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill stuck out to me with its big golden letters. I read the brief description on the website, and thought “All I have to do to get rich is just think rich thought?” SOLD, I WAS! After finishing the book I dove head first into a rabbit hole of “thinking yourself into success”, which lead to how to manifest, LOA, The Secret, crystals, human design charts, expensive coaching courses and much more. While there is an element of truth to all that stuff, materials like Think and Grow Rich or The Secret paint a very delusional narrative on how to actually achieve success.

 I’m going to assume that you, the reader, have consumed a considerable amount of self-help material, even bought into some courses, and you’re feeling a bit left behind, unguided, maybe even ripped off. You feel the material has not fulfilled its end of the bargain, you haven’t started that business, you haven’t received that promotion or pay raise, and “maybe one more book or article will shift my mind into changing my life”. This is exactly what I was doing, and even convinced myself that I don’t need to be “doing” anything, I will be successful because that’s just where my thoughts are.

Where it went.

As you can imagine nothing happened, yet I kept up with this belief that I can achieve success by continuously consuming nonsensical material that served me no purpose. There is only so much that can be written about a topic until it begins repeating itself, and that’s exactly what happened. One day while in the daily routine of motivating myself to change, I made a very specific google search related to my situation, which lead to a video on manifesting that had a catchy title. After a few minutes of watching the video, there was this intense ringing in my ears and suddenly I snapped out of it, I felt like I had gained consciousness, woken up from a spell. The person in the video was repeating the same crap I heard years ago, just in a different way and format, only now my age didn’t begin with a 2 anymore.

I had my head stuck in the rabbit hole for so long that a whole new generation of people began lecturing on the subject! They had read the same books, watched the same videos, and were now using TikTok instead of YouTube to preach regurgitated messages, as if they had happened upon something incredible. Hell, some might even say they’ve seen some variation of this post too.

Where it’s going.

Now I’ll tell you, I wasted a shit ton of years, and you can save yourself a lot of time by not repeating what I did. All that time I wasted I could’ve done something 10x the value, but I’m a believer that it all happens for a reason and that I was supposed to go through this phase. I’ve learned an immense amount about myself which all came together full circle just recently, and I can help others from making the same mistakes. Suddenly, I’m able to see myself from an observer’s perspective and guide myself into the direction I desire by detaching from myself and self-correcting.

This isn’t something that you’re born with, it’s something you must practice by being completely honest with yourself. You first must accept yourself, but not in that silly modern “everybody is beautiful” way, I’m talking you’ve accepted the way your life is, you’re habits, behaviors, your circumstances, everything. Now you’re being honest with yourself and becomes difficult to lie to your own face, mostly because now you’re looking at yourself as an observer. For me it was about taking action, I lacked taking action on my projects, and goals which caused me to become bitter, retreat into my mind and look for all the reasons why the self-help material wasn’t working, which in turn would restart the entire cycle of finding the perfect solution.

So to sum it all up. No perfect solution exists to your problem, my problems, or anyone’s problems, there is no book, video, or podcast that will FORCE change upon you. Self-help is merely a tool, not a solution, do not waste years of your life seeking the easy way, or the get rich quick way. Gurus and experts will not make you rich, they will only make themselves rich. With everything that you have learned I highly suggest beginning today, take what works for you and dump out all the rest and focus on progress, not perfection!

Change will not happen overnight, but dedicated, organized, daily efforts will build empires.

-Sumit Randhawa