Sumit's Inkwell

Growing up in an Indian household, I witnessed firsthand the emphasis placed on academic achievement. In my own house, and in the homes of fellow Indians.

Walk into any doctor’s office, or ask Google for help on a math problem and you’ll likely find an Indian face. We’re the highest earning ethnic group in the United States, and it’s no surprise why.

Our culture drills into us the importance of doing our absolute academic best- it’s the surefire way to success.

But have you ever stopped to think about why this is? Why are Indians so obsessed with academic success and the power and respect that comes with it? I don’t have all the answers, but I know it’s deeply ingrained in our culture.

The American Dream vs. Indian Realities

In the United States, we’re told we can be anything or anyone we choose. We have so many options that a high school dropout can earn a decent living, and even stands a chance at massive success.

But in India, years of caste segregation, sprinkled with colonialism have created a society where opportunities are scarce. If you’re born into a lower caste, your future is often predetermined. However, if you’re educated, are able to read and write, your status was greatly elevated, especially in the British Raj era.

This is the environment our parents grew up in, where survival mode was the norm. Dreams and aspirations were luxuries for the spoiled rich kids in the West. Academia was, -and still is – the center of life, as it is viewed the only and guaranteed way to a life of success and respect.

Passing On the Torch of Pressure

Fast-forward to the United States, where our parents brought along with them their learned values and expectations. As first generation Americans, we grow up caught between two worlds. Our parent’s push us to excel academically, often with little understanding of how the American education system and the culture works.

I still remember the visible confusion and mild anger in my dad’s face when I told him I made a gingerbread house in 1^st grade. He grew up in a school system where education was practically religion, where pressure to perform was suffocating, and teachers were stern, unapproachable figures with large egos.

Indian immigrant parents typically fall into two categories:

1. Those who succeeded through being held to a high standard by their parents, and now expect the same from their children.
2. Those who didn’t meet their parent’s expectations, and now live vicariously through their own children.

Both approaches can lead to fearful, uncreative children who prioritize parental approval over exploring their own inclinations.

The Consequences

Many times, this formula of pressure yields success – doctors, engineers, lawyers, and the like. But other times, it results in average or below-average individuals who struggle to find purpose. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who found success through a forced career path. Or maybe you’re still searching for your true calling.

New Generations of Hope

Thankfully, attitudes are shifting. More and more Indian parents are recognizing the mental toll of their high expectations and choosing to break the cycle. Millennial and Gen Z parents will continue this trend and will be more open to their children exploring their inclinations and going for non-traditional careers.

As these new generations adopt this approach, they’re simultaneously dismantling the centuries old burden of trauma caused by caste and colonialism. But there is a long ways to go.

Rethinking Priorities   

As we continue to produce high achieving professionals, let’s not forget the importance of individual passions. These very passions are the building blocks of your child’s identity, and quite possibly the path to their life’s task.

Even with everything that I’ve written, I will stress the importance of a good education. School teaches you much more than just remembering facts, the environment and exposure to other people’s ideas prepares us for what’s to come in the future.

But to parents, I urge you: engage with your child’s interests, attend school events, and explore their strengths. It’s not just about fixing a weakness, but expanding on their talents.

Following dreams doesn’t always have to mean trying to get famous. It simply means letting them discover them themselves for themselves. The best thing you can do is be encouraging and loving. At the end of the day, it’s you the parent, whose child runs up to talk about their day.

Let’s redefine success and encourage our children to pursue their dreams, and explore their inclinations – even if it means not following the exact path you want. The future will be exciting, and I’m eager to see what this new generation accomplishes.