🐾 When a Movie is So Bad… It’s Good: Animal (2023)
Okay.
We’ve all seen bad movies.
But have you ever seen one so bad it actually becomes… good?
I’m talking about the kind of movie that’s so ridiculous, you physically can’t look away.
You know you’re absorbing pure garbage — but your brain just says, “Nah, we’re finishing this.“
For me, there’s one title that always comes to mind:
Animal (2023) — starring Ranbir Kapoor and Anil Kapoor.
Directed by… someone who should probably be on a government watchlist.
🎬 How I Ended Up Watching This Dumpster Fire
Sometimes you stumble into a terrible movie by accident.
Sometimes it stalks you.
In my case, it was a little bit of everything:
- I’m a fan of 90s Bollywood, and Anil Kapoor’s name caught my eye.
- Ranbir Kapoor — heard he’s a huge star, kind of the Robert Pattinson of India.
- Plus, my parents constantly had Indian series on, and Animal promos were everywhere.
One lonely weekend night, I caved.
I decided to watch it.
Three hours and twenty-one minutes later, my soul had left my body — but I couldn’t look away.
🧨 The Premise (It Could’ve Been Cool…)
On paper, Animal had potential:
A story about a fractured father-son relationship, set against violence, crime, and family trauma.
Ranbir plays Vijay — a kid scarred by his emotionally distant, workaholic dad.
He grows up into a violent, emotionally wrecked figure — the “animal” in the title.
Sounds cool, right?
It wasn’t.
📉 Where It All Goes Wrong
The movie opens with 8-year-old Vijay passing out chocolates to his classmates for his dad’s birthday.
Adorable?
Maybe if you’re Indian.
I was sitting there thinking, “What the hell is this?“
Then we jump forward — after about 25 minutes of dead air — and teenage Vijay now has rage issues.
When his sister gets bullied, Vijay storms into her classroom… wielding an AK-47.
Because, you know. Normal.
Dad, understandably, has had enough and ships Vijay off to boarding school in America.
(You know, just standard parenting.)
🏍️ The Wig, The Motorcycle, The Leather Jacket
Years later, grown-up Vijay returns to India for his dad’s 60th birthday.
He crashes the party riding a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket, and sporting what looked like a Party City wig.
Imagine Michael Jackson’s Bad era… but worse.
Within this one party scene, Vijay:
- Reunites with his childhood sweetheart Geetanjali (who’s about to marry someone else).
- Gets into a brawl with his brother-in-law, Varun.
- Disrespects a politician.
- Gets kicked out of the house (again).
- Steals Geetanjali away from her fiancé.
All in under 45 minutes.
This dude moves faster than a Fast & Furious plotline.
💀 Cringe Romance & Weapons
During Geetanjali’s wedding, Vijay shows up to confess his love.
At one point, he literally touches her feet and she gasps, “You are touching my feet!“
The director clearly wanted a heartwarming, “OMG he’s so respectful!” moment.
I cringed so hard I almost dislocated my spine.
Naturally, she ditches her fiancé to run off with Vijay to America.
🔫 Daddy Issues & Guns Galore
Fast-forward 8 years.
An assassination attempt on Daddy brings Vijay back to India.
Vijay vows revenge, takes over the family company, and immediately murders one of the attackers during a business speech.
Because nothing says “good leadership” like public murder.
Somewhere along the way, Vijay decides he can’t trust his security guards.
So he forms his own mob out of his cousins.
(Again, totally normal business practices.)
They discover Varun (the brother-in-law) was behind the assassination plot.
Vijay strangles him to death at a conference.
Animal!
Then things get even dumber.
Asrar (one of the hired assassins) gets ambushed by Vijay’s goons, and Vijay gets shot — right in the heart and the dick — rendering him both impotent and in need of a heart transplant.
He survives, but post-surgery Vijay becomes even colder and deadlier — probably because he couldn’t get it up either.
His emotional deadness puts a massive strain on his relationship with Geetanjali, which is completely understandable.
(There’s only so much “cold-blooded killer with erectile dysfunction” a marriage can handle.)
🧟♂️ Scotland, Plastic Surgery, and a Hickey-Colored Rolls Royce
Meanwhile in Scotland (don’t ask why), we meet Abrar — a mute mob boss played by Bobby Deol.
(Why is he mute? No clue. Maybe Bobby had laryngitis that week.)
Abrar finds out about his brother’s death, kills the messenger, and — in a wedding scene that made me question my life choices — drunkenly spins around with a glass balanced on his head while a song blares in the background.
Jamaal Jamaaloo will haunt my dreams forever.
🔥 Heart Transplants and Hickey Drama
After getting shot in the chest (and groin… yeah), Vijay needs a heart transplant.
He gets a new heart, but becomes emotionally colder — and impotent.
Geetanjali is understandably not thrilled.
Then the real absurdity kicks in. Vijay has fully recovered from his injuries and walks out of his home naked, smoking a cigarette, and sporting what I’d assume is an erection. In celebration, his boys fire automatic weapons into the air – as we men do our fellow man gets back his mojo.
Meanwhile, Vijay has an affair with a woman named Zoya — the fiancée of the guy whose heart he now carries.
(Ethical king.)
He gifts her a Rolls Royce — custom-colored to match the hickey he gave her.
No, seriously.
He calls in two car color specialists during breakfast to create the paint to her hickey.
Peak cinema.
🧨 Twists That Make No Sense
Turns out Zoya was sent by Abrar to spy on Vijay.
Except — plot twist — Vijay knew all along and was using her.
How he knew?
How any of this fits together?
No idea. I think the screenwriter just gave up halfway through and let his toddler type random scenes.
🛩️ The Grand Finale (Finally)
Vijay ambushes Abrar on a runway and kills him.
Then we get a random backstory explaining why Abrar was mute:
Family drama, betrayal, someone lit themselves on fire, lots of trauma.
Honestly, by this point, I didn’t even care anymore.
The movie ends with Vijay crying hysterically after confronting his dying father.
(Yes, dad drops a final trauma bomb about having cancer.)
Moved by his emotional breakdown, Geetanjali decides to stay with him.
Because who doesn’t want to build a future with a violent, cheating, emotionally unstable man?
Credits roll.
🎁 Bonus Scene: Because Torture Must Continue
Earlier in the movie some random guy of Abrar’s crew was getting plastic surgery to look like Vijay?
Yeah, he shows up in a post-credits scene… murdering someone.
The movie ends with the words: “Animal Park.”
They’re threatening us with a sequel.
Final Thoughts:
Would I recommend watching Animal?
Absolutely.
Not because it’s good — but because sometimes, you need to experience a trainwreck for yourself.
Grab some popcorn, lower your expectations to the floor, and enjoy the chaos.
🚀 QUICK CTA for you:
“Have you ever seen a movie so bad it became amazing? Drop your picks below — I’m always looking for new trash classics.
- Sumit Randhawa
Sumit's Inkwell 
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